Lens

Still reading the Geneen Roth book and thinking a lot about the need to feel special, protected, and saved. I'm trying to learn to slow my mind-freak down to a dull roar and pay attention to what's really happening in the now and trying not to focus on things that are beyond my influence. I've talked about "wanting" before and how I need to find a way to minimize the wants in my life. I realized in my reading this week that one thing that I want, have always wanted, is for people to know the REAL me. And my biggest frustrations (especially lately) have come when that want has been interfered with. Discovering that my sister has been maligning my character for 30 years, one friend seeing me as nagging & self centered, and another one accusing me of "coming down on" her kid too hard when in reality I had been trying to find out if my kid had said something offensive . . . way back to when teachers assumed I'd have the same personality as my older siblings in elementary school. Anyhow: The lesson? People are going to see me (and the world) through whatever lens they are looking through - a lens that is smudged, shaped, cracked, and even distorted through their own experiences that have nothing to do with me. What can I do with this realization? I can understand that it just as well applies to me looking back at the rest of the world. This lens is all scratched and chipped, cracked down the middle with a big wad of duct tape holding it together. I need to polish it up or get a new one.  It's an ongoing project.

Also, it's been one crazy-ass week and I'm tarred!

A bit of good news today, but I'm afraid to share it or I'll jinx myself. Ends up I have time to blog tonight, but I'm super duper sleepy.

Here's an analogy that I can sink my teeth into

"Obsession is a form of autism, a way to cover our ears and block out the background noise, a way to protect ourselves when teh situation feels vulnerable or dangerous or anxiety producing. Obsession is a way to change the channel when you don't like what's barreling across the screen of your mind."

Exactly! Eating, shopping, blogging, exercising, playing video games . . . it's all away of self-soothing or AVOIDING which is my habit.
So, can you guess what author said that . . . and what book? First correct guess gets the book free from Amazon courtesy of me.
(Sorry - Pam and Mandy not available for prize because they know the answer.)

Happy Monday!

I intend to enjoy this Monday at home. Alone. By myself. Quietly.

Sure, sure . . . the Lowe's people will probably call and inform me that our custom-made door is in. that'll be nice to schedule the rest of my week. Door in, then alarm system. Hopefully we will hear from the heating specialist today as well.  I'm really hoping to keep all these repairs from the break-in under five thousand dollars. Sweetie is keen on getting some new hyper efficient solar doodads added to the bill, but I think he'll change his mind once he sees how much we minimally have to put down. Of course, if you're going to do something like that I suppose this would be the time. I just hate letting go of money for something non-fun.

Lots of laundry to catch up on today. Everybody was scrambling to find a pair of matching socks this morning. I would've done a lot yesterday but I ended up going on an impromptu road trip to Ann Arbor (M - Go Blue!) to a tiny art gallery with a friend I don't usually get to spend time with. We had a blast.

Reading, centering, trying to get my head in the right place. Those are my goals, in addition to laundry, today. Probably a little napping too as I slept lousy last night. I haven't decided yet whether or not I'm looking at the forecast. It might be too depressing.

Do a little better each day and eventually you'll be doing fantastic things again. This is what I tell myself. What are you doing this lovely Monday?

Read with me!

I've purchased a few new books on the Kindle . . . . anybody want to read with me?


Four Hour Body by Tim Ferriss
Unclutter Your Life in One Week by David Allen
Getting Things Done by David Allen

Now don't get me wrong - I'm not under the impression that any or all of these three books are going to change my life but they do seem like interesting reads.  And because I don't have enough crying in my life, I also got this Single Selection
Leaving Home by Jodi Picoult


So, what do you think of these books? Have you read them? Heard any reviews? Anybody wanna read along with me?

Feeling great

Snow day or not, I feel better than I have for a long while.

There must be some nasty virus around these parts - one symptom is throbbing gums. I thought it was a dental issue having recently had my teeth cleaned. The pressure of my CPAP mask made it worse. I was in tears. Tylenol or Voltaren wasn't touching the pain. It was miserable. I guess it could be sinus-related. Anyway, it's going away now. But Sweetie mentioned today his gums were throbbing.  Hmmm. . . I hope he doesn't feel as miserable as I did at it's worst.

I love blogland, but I am extremely behind in my reading. I'm behind in reading my books as well. Still, I keep adding blogs to my list. I should go through and clean some out, but I hate to lose any. NY day I went through and poked at a few that hadn't posted for a while and I'm glad they're back now, even if not regularly. It's so worth the wait. Anyhow, I need to find that awesome blog I had on my favorites that had the monthly weight loss book. There are so many on my list now that I'm having a hard time sorting through. If you can point me in the right direction, I'd appreciate it. Meanwhile, I'll search through my dashboard and see if I can find her that way.  It's Juli's Journey. I found her! Yay me!

I've made a few more local friends lately and am really happy to have found the "cool kids" around here. It takes time for friendships to blossom and finally it's happening. Certainly not neurotypical, my sense of humor and lack of grooming can cause assumptions to be made that aren't quite valid. I don't spend a lot of time trying to fit it, but I do very much want to make connections to people. So, even if I've been spending less time blogging, I have been building my support network and making new friendships IRL.

I think I'm taking a  Bob Ross painting class in March. Who wouldn't want to learn to make "happy little clouds"?  It's on a Friday. I hope my kid has school that day. The more I think about it the more I want to do it.

Kiddo is dining out with friends tonight and I've been having a PJ day. Maybe I can get in some exercise and then change into new jammies. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but hopefully it will be nice enough for the local "Global Summit" which I'm really looking forward to attending and helping with our Kids For Peace group. I'm such a hippie.

Thin Lanie vs. Fat Lanie

I've been continuing to read along in the book A Course In Weight Loss.   I've been doing a pretty good job of setting my judgements aside so that I can read and learn objectively, applying lessons to my own belief system and adapting them into my life.  It's been interesting! The goal of the 2nd assignment was to integrate the separate parts of your mindset that tend to war over health goals. Accepting that they exist and bringing them together with the intent to heal is the intent. So they ask that the reader write from one point of view a letter to the opposing self, and then to shift paradigms and respond to the letter.  Here's what I got.

Dear Heavy Lanie;

Let go of me will you!?!  You're bringing me down! Suffocating me with fat is not protecting me. It takes a lot more than food to heal these wounds. Whether pain is physical or emotional, it i rarely alleviated by sugar and fat.  You are an embarassment to our daughter and our husband. And to me. And the rest of my family and friends. Nobody wants to be seen with you. Heck, your high school friend actually asked you why you "let yourself go". You are keeping me from living the happy life that I crave.

In desperaton,
LaniePainie

Re-reading this as I typed, I'm quite suprised by the self loathing that is seeping through there. I really didn't realize how bad I feel about my weight until I saw it in print. I rarely think about it it, in fact. No, that's not true - I push it from my mind and avoid thinking about it because it's too difficult. Sigh.  And now onto the response from my fat mindset!

Dear Healthy Lanie;

All these years, feeding you was the only way I knew how to take care of you. Never having been mourished and comforted myself, I had no experience on which to draw. Now that we are learning more about what it takes to be healthy, I'm doing better! You should give me some credit for that , you know. After all, I'm the one who got you started on the healthy route that you've resisted so long.  It's hard to accept that we've "left ourselves go" when we never really "had it together" in the first place. It's just that our outward appearances didn't reflect it as well back in the 1980s. If you remember, you weren't happy as a thin person either. There's clearly a lot more work to be done besides just working on body shape here. If you'll stop criticizing me constantly, maybe we could work on it together . . . ?

Good Books! Good Books!

I have been really grooving with the nonfiction this last month or so. And this weekend I found another blog that I'm really excited about!  Fellow book geeks, please come over and join me at Juli's Journey to check out her January book pick: A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson. I'll be adding it to my <3 Kindle <3 later today!

I have often wished to have some sort of online book club where I could read and learn from what other people read and share from books. Slowly, slowly, I am building up a community of fellow book geeks and with my new best friend Kindle at my side, it can only get better!

So, here are the books I've read lately that really made me think:



Shit My Dad Says by Justin Halpern
This is one hilarious book. I found myself quickly wishing that I had a dad just like Justin's. I appreciate the directness and honesty with the way he expresses himself. Never unkind at the core, but not sugar coating it either, Justin's dad says what is on his mind.

This is Not the Story You Think It Is by Laura Munson
This is one of those must-own books. At the beginning, Laura is [like myself] a collector of other people's wisdom. She talks about the stack of books at her bedside and how she looks to them for inspiration for eing her best self. Armed with this wisdom, she faces the possiblility of the end of her marriage. Acceptance and letting go of controlling others is what it's all about. I highly recommend reading it and finding out for yourself how it's done.

The Shack by William P. Young
This is the only work of fiction on my list but it is FABULOUS! I resisted reading it knowing it was Chritian-based and I thought it would be a big ol' Bible thumpin' extravaganza. Not to say that it isn't centered around the teachings of the Bible. It is. There's a lot to learn and this is an awesome summation of some of the most important *IMO* parts of its teachings. I learned so much about compassion, forgiveness, and love in this book that I will henceforth recommend to everybody - regardless of religion or lack thereof.
Lies I Told My Kids by Karen McQuestion
I'm still in the process of reading this one but it's  a real gem. I haven't read her fiction yet, but I've downloaded lots. It's less than $2 on Kindle. I can't believe I haven't ever heard of her before. Clever and funny, she describes a laundry list of things we all tend to think we won't do - like lie to our children - but when reality hits the fan, it happens.

The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It by Geneen Roth

I thought this would be a book about grieving, and in part it is. But the real lessons in this book revolve more around seeing people as who they really are - limitations and all - rather than who we need them to be. Especially with our parents, we tend to construct certain chariciatures of them when we are children that aren't especially realistic. When we have to face that reality, it can bring on a lot of pain. Working through that pain and disappointment is the only way to work through it.


I decided not to link directly to each out of laziness, but if they are all available on Amazon or you can see them easily on my "Shelfari" link in my sidebar.  Please, let me know your opinions of any of these books, or other books  you think I might enjoy.

I haven't done a book post for a while

And you know I love me some books

And I loves me my new Kindle. Best gift EVAH for somebody who likes immediate satsifaction. Gimme Gimme! I love it so much that I was mad because Sweetie wouldn't let me go sit and wait for the oil change in the Prius. The thought of an hour and a half alone with my K was sooooooooo tempting!

What have you read recently that you've loved?

Here's my quick top 5 list:
(I intend to come back later and fill in links and details)

The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It by Geneen Roth
Shit My Dad Says
This is Not the Story You Think It Is
The Shack
Lies I Told My Kids by Karen McQuestion

For now, I gotta whip myself into shape and head to church. We leave in 18 minutes. Prolly time to get out of my PJs and stop being a lump :)

ack!

here I am up past bedtime again. I have no idea whether or not I drank enough water today. I was reading so much online that I didn't pay attention to how many times I filled my 64 oz cup.

A new magazine came today, thanks to a school fundraiser from a coupla months ago. We had already been hooked on Scientific American and now I also get Scientific American Mind. I really want to dive into it when I go to bed, but I'm worried I'll be up until I finish it. *twitch* *twitch*

Piling on the blankets in a few minutes. Prolly with the zine, if my warm fluffy cat cuddles in, I'll be out in 10 minutes

Kinda random

Doing well today so far. On track with food and did some light exercise first thing in the morning - trying to work that into my routine. At least if I do a little in the morning, it should give me the boost I need to get through the day and if I can work some in later, HOORAY!

Lots of laundry to do today, I've been slacking. I really need to get this house in order. I think I will feel oh so much better once I get my living room back.

I finished reading The Shack this afternoon and wow - what a powerful book. Even for a non-Christian such as myself, it is full of great messages and it really doesn't shove Christianity down your throat the way I thought it might. It's a wonderful story, quite different than I thought it would be. There's on paticular chapter I'm already looking forward to re-reading, about forgiveness which is always a hot topic for me.

Kid will be home from school soon and we will find a snack. So far today I've had my pepsi, a Sweet & Salty bar, half a peanut butter snadwich and a cup of watermelon. I've downed over 120 oz of water, done some emergency grocery shopping, made lunch for hubby, and had a little nap. For the next few hours it'll be all about the kiddo, homework, clarinet practice, maybe a fire in the fireplace and some knitting after Sweetie comes home from work.  Or, if I'm lucky I'll talk them into playing the Harry Potter version of CLUE. Cold and rainy, a nice fire-sitting night.

HUMONGOUS BINGE TODAY!

But not in calories, just in pages!

First day of school and I was able to hang out with two of my besties today with no kids to distract us from being our goofy selves. We had so much fun! We started out at the best used bookstore in the metro area (Encore on Heatherdowns for you locals) and then to Sebastiano's for lunch. I got several books at Encore, but none food-related. One was my own copy of Wicked since I had borrowed it from the library but now that I've seen the musical I really wanted to re-read it. Two books for my daughter, one book loaned from my BFF, and

After we girls went our separate ways, I went to Meijer to pick up MockingJay which I had been impatiently waiting to read. It came out yesterday. I also picked up a book for a friend's daughter whose birthday is coming up soon, having not found it at the used store.

So I come home and guess what is on my doorstep? A big ol' box from AMAZON.COM! HOORAY!

One of these Amazon books will be autographed for a bloggy give-a-way I'm planning. Once I have signed copy back in my hands, I will tell you more about the book and the give-away!

Somewhere in there, I also got a coupla books about living with Asperger's as an adult and some of the Warriors (kitties!) series that my daughter is reading.

Now my bookshelves are bulging and an bloated from being overfed, I am happy and calm from being with my girlfriends and having grown-up giggles. I've gotta get moving on reading some of these pages!

Hub and kid having pizza tonight and I am having colorful vegetables without the crust and cheese. Everyone should be happy and my binge is guilt-free.  May try swimming tonight if the weather cooperates. Last night it was COLD in that pond!

Diet Atheist

Confession: I'm a diet atheist. I don't believe in them, or any one diet in paticular, anyway. Sure, some might work for some people for a little time, but for the most part, I don't feel diets are sustainable because they are based on restriction and most people, at least Americans, are not "into" that type of thing.

Another confession, I swiped the term diet atheist from Jennette Fulda. I just finished reading her amazingly funny and insightful book entitled Half-Assed. What a smart, witty lady she is. I wish she were my friend IRL! I love the way she thinks.

Among a myriad of other astute observations, Jenette writes that "if the diet industry knew how to successfully help people maintain long-term weight loss, it would have put itself out of business decades ago." Good point, Pasta Queen!

I refuse to diet. Instead, I will continue to adopt what we all know is a healthier lifestyle - eating less and moving more. I will continue to work towards not allowing my emotions to dictate when or what I eat. I will use my knowledge and body cues instead to make those decisions. I can do this. So can you.