Hot 100 Update: embrace failure

I'm not really embracing it, but besides my outstanding job on fruit  lately, I've not been doing well on my Hot 100 goals. I am so sleepy all the time that I'm usually in bed by 10 pm anyway but if i nap too much during the day I am up reading until midnight. I've been playing  around. Exercising - bah! eating when I'm not hungry, YOU BET!  playing around losing and gaining the same five pounds? Great fun! Bloggin 2x daily? I missed a whole day and nobody noticed so why bother? Chores? whatev.  The good news is I have a Dr. appointment first thing Monday morning and that'll prolly get me going. I HAVE made some progress since I saw her 2 months ago. . . I think. And I'll ask her all about what kinds of supplements she recommends to make sure they don't interact with anything i'm already taking.

Nothing really pushed me into this rut and I'll find my way out soon enough. The only explanation I have is that I was really REALLY close to weighing less than Sweetie. When I can truck along fine for a long while but when I notice I'm close to a goal, and especially if I say it to anybody out loud - then it's like the expectation is there that I will meet it quickly and my inner child or whoever rebels against it. Every time I think I have it figured out, then I just stop caring.  I haven't even been reading blogs much. had a great book to read, though.  I'll have a review for that prolly later.  I haven't even updated my Shelfari yet. I think I need to reread Women Food and God!

And so there ya have it. I'm all "why bother?" right now. Eating for fun, sleeping even more, exercising hardly at all . ..  but I am still weighing in every morning which is the only thing that's kept me within that 5 lb range - I'm sure of it.

Board board board board board!

I was reading about self-soothing techniques yesterday  (see Shelfari on sidebar) and learned that many people say they eat out of boredom. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. One of my many intolerances is for people who are or become "bored."  I'd like to take a Cricket board to them much like Vyvyan does in the above clip. Bored is not an emotion, it is a state of mind. Look around us, how could anybody be bored, ever? People, be honest with yourself and figure out what you're really feeling! Bored is usually any easy word - an excuse even - masking other feelings.

Most people when they say they are "bored" really mean that they are experiencing some type of unbearable disatisfaction. Usually, there is something they'd rather do but they feel limited by some circumstance and therefore unable to do what they want. That involves some sadness, some frustration, and maybe some anger. Once you recognize the details of what you are feeling, you can deal with them, instead of just whining around that you're "bored" or stuffing your face for entertainment purposes.

Is this post boring? Really? Are you bored? Are you disappointed that I'm taking your word "bored" away from you? That's a bad word in our house. Find a better word. It's like saying somebody is "nice" when you mean they are friendly and welcoming, warm or funny. Be more specific! Ugh. Hand me that cricket bat, Vyv. Stop making excuses. Think about why you're letting yourself get frustrated and solve the problem. There is no "bored." There is only "not trying hard enough".

A little fun

Since Allan brought some traffic my way this morning, I will share some with him.  I feel almost famous today! Please check out his latest blog post here.

Here was my response to him which will probably be posted momentarily if he approves . . .

I knew you couldn't follow directions. You totally skipped the "not me" part. lol I totally expected that!







I criticized you on your own blog, actually, but you chose not to publish those posts. Just as you are likely not to post this or any other posts supporting me. I have a general policy not to say things behind people's backs that I wouldn't tell them to their face. Any criticism I have made of you wasn't about your diet but about the way you sometimes present yourself - or presented before the new nicer Al came along.






I'm human. I have good days and bad. I share them. I have been tempted not to post my setbacks mainly because I know you love to point out such things and twist it into somebody being a hypocrite because they're struggling.






As far as following diet "quacks", I read read read whatever I can get my hands on and analyze to determine what I can learn from the material. Richard Simmons, Geneen Roth, Thich Nhat Hanh, and others I read do not profess to be medical experts. They simply share what works for them in hopes that it will help others. The only difference between them and you is that they get paid for it. That doesn't make them quacks. A quack is somebody that professes to have medical knowledge when they don't.






Of COURSE you love me. I am quite lovable and capable and, as you will see, I am going to be healthier than ever. Maybe not as quickly as you are, but in my own way I will succeed.
 
 
Oh yeah, then I went back to post again that I have been born and raised in the USA. I have never even been to Canada even though it's less than 2 hours from me. I'm not sure how Allan figured I'm from Oz since I'm always saying that my life dream is to go there.  Ah well, he is obviously still getting to know me.

a blast from the past

A long lost friend came to visit us tonight. She seemed taller than I remember her. Maybe I'm shrinking. This is the first time I've seen her since she quit working at Target a coupla years ago. I've known her since I was 4 years old and she and her twin sister were 2 years old. we moved in 3 houses down from where they lived, the youngest of 6 children. I am the youngest of 4. Our moms were friends for a a long time, and swapped babysitting. We grew up together until some ugliness between our moms right about the time the twins were going into their senior year of high school. Since I'm 40 now, that would make her 38 years old.



She had a stroke earlier this year and has some mobility issues with stairs, also recovering from an earlier heart attack and getting her strength back up so she can have a kidney transplant - oldest sister is the donor. If that goes well, she'll be in line for a pancreas transplant which is a newer procedure that I'm not at all familiar with actually. She's been diabetic since she was 4 years old, her twin wasn't diagnosed until she was 8 (but had her heart attack first). Her twin's trailer was destroyed during our recent tornadoes about a month ago now I guess. The ones the Federal government didn't consider a real disaster.



All of this has me thinking - once again - how fragile life is, how lucky I am that my child is moderately healthy, and how I should be taking better care of my body that I so often take for granted. Here I was given this body with no known defects and I have ungratefully abused it, misused it, and turned it into something loathesome.

I'm glad I'm learning to love my body and myself and treat it with the respect it deserves. My visit with Sarah today gave me a little more of a boost in motivation. How rude of me to poison my body with fat and lethargy when others have their bodies give out on them before they have barely begun to live.