stupid post.

I've not been having a good coupla days. Frustrated with a lot of things and there are so many things on my to-do list that I'd rather just avoid. Things don't seem to work out as I expect, I'm having some tooth pain, throbbish type, and I'm still pissed at the CPAP. I know I need to INSIST trying another mask. This one will work if it has a death grip on me, but it kills my nose and then I can't wear my glasses the whole next day. I guess my broken nose and weak chin just aren't the right shape. Great, why don't they just tell me I'm too ugly for their stupid machine? Dammit. when between all this  other stuff I'm supposed to do, can I schedule an appt out there. Seems like I used to have a gym membership too.

But today has been a crazy day. 2 hour late start for school, missed the bus because he came 5 min earlier than expected. Kid left her snowboots at home and apparently didn't re-lock the front door after she opened it to see the bus pull away because the wind blew it open while I was taking her to school and waiting on yet another contractor that never showed up at the other house. Maybe they're afraid of the bad neighborhood? I hear there's been crime there. It's actually a sweet little hood with lots of families and elementary kids, so I'm just jokin. I'm funny like that. A laugh freakin riot today especially.

But guess what? i spent the day yesterday doing for others and today I feel like doing for me. I really want to sit and craft. Knit, stamp, create, wriet, blog, etc. but somebody has to do some chores around here. We have  no drinking glasses clean. I've also gotta get dinner prepared to go into the oven because we've got girl scouts tonight and I know if I don't prep ahead then it's going to be too tempty to hit McDonalds on the way home.

And it's cold. Oh yeah, and scouts is outside tonight. stupid badge work. stupid $850 door replacement. stupid vanishing car title, stupid stupid stupid. Stupid's a bad word in our house. My kid once heard me say "that's so fucking stupid" to a friend on the phone and wouldn't talk to me for a few hours because I said "stupid".

dammit. bills to pay too. why can't I get my crap together these days? stupid.

Hot 100 Update: embrace failure

I'm not really embracing it, but besides my outstanding job on fruit  lately, I've not been doing well on my Hot 100 goals. I am so sleepy all the time that I'm usually in bed by 10 pm anyway but if i nap too much during the day I am up reading until midnight. I've been playing  around. Exercising - bah! eating when I'm not hungry, YOU BET!  playing around losing and gaining the same five pounds? Great fun! Bloggin 2x daily? I missed a whole day and nobody noticed so why bother? Chores? whatev.  The good news is I have a Dr. appointment first thing Monday morning and that'll prolly get me going. I HAVE made some progress since I saw her 2 months ago. . . I think. And I'll ask her all about what kinds of supplements she recommends to make sure they don't interact with anything i'm already taking.

Nothing really pushed me into this rut and I'll find my way out soon enough. The only explanation I have is that I was really REALLY close to weighing less than Sweetie. When I can truck along fine for a long while but when I notice I'm close to a goal, and especially if I say it to anybody out loud - then it's like the expectation is there that I will meet it quickly and my inner child or whoever rebels against it. Every time I think I have it figured out, then I just stop caring.  I haven't even been reading blogs much. had a great book to read, though.  I'll have a review for that prolly later.  I haven't even updated my Shelfari yet. I think I need to reread Women Food and God!

And so there ya have it. I'm all "why bother?" right now. Eating for fun, sleeping even more, exercising hardly at all . ..  but I am still weighing in every morning which is the only thing that's kept me within that 5 lb range - I'm sure of it.

Crabby

Woke up in a crabby-assed mood today. Not weight or food related. Exercise will undoubtedly help. Just irritated at the world today. Probably this damn to-do list. I get stressed. We know that. It will probably be ok later today, but for now no inspirational post. Need to get hubby out the door to work so I can center myself and move about without interruption. Kid is off to school already and one phone call made. Need to wait around for Culligan before I can go take care of anything outside of the house. Not good at waiting. Will try to keep myself physically busy. Good news is I don't even feel like eating. Now drinking . . . maybe. Oh wait. I don't drink. Perhaps it's a good day to start.