Hot 100 Update: embrace failure

I'm not really embracing it, but besides my outstanding job on fruit  lately, I've not been doing well on my Hot 100 goals. I am so sleepy all the time that I'm usually in bed by 10 pm anyway but if i nap too much during the day I am up reading until midnight. I've been playing  around. Exercising - bah! eating when I'm not hungry, YOU BET!  playing around losing and gaining the same five pounds? Great fun! Bloggin 2x daily? I missed a whole day and nobody noticed so why bother? Chores? whatev.  The good news is I have a Dr. appointment first thing Monday morning and that'll prolly get me going. I HAVE made some progress since I saw her 2 months ago. . . I think. And I'll ask her all about what kinds of supplements she recommends to make sure they don't interact with anything i'm already taking.

Nothing really pushed me into this rut and I'll find my way out soon enough. The only explanation I have is that I was really REALLY close to weighing less than Sweetie. When I can truck along fine for a long while but when I notice I'm close to a goal, and especially if I say it to anybody out loud - then it's like the expectation is there that I will meet it quickly and my inner child or whoever rebels against it. Every time I think I have it figured out, then I just stop caring.  I haven't even been reading blogs much. had a great book to read, though.  I'll have a review for that prolly later.  I haven't even updated my Shelfari yet. I think I need to reread Women Food and God!

And so there ya have it. I'm all "why bother?" right now. Eating for fun, sleeping even more, exercising hardly at all . ..  but I am still weighing in every morning which is the only thing that's kept me within that 5 lb range - I'm sure of it.

No exercise

I haven't gotten any exercise today. I should've done it earlier. She's sick and I wanted her to have a sedentary day, but there's no keeping her still if I'm on the Wii or swimming. I can't push her off on a friend. Now she's having a hard time getting to sleep and so there's really not much hope. This, among other things, gives me anxiety. I find myself clenching my jaw, breathing shallowly, and simply tightening all the muscles in my body. I do NOT want to see that number go up again tomorrow. I ate pretty well today - half a whole wheat sandwhich thin with a Tbsp of Skippy Natural & my breakfast Pepsi - A chicken brat on a whole wheat bun with mustard and onions for lunch, lots of water, 1/2 of a hundred calorie bag of popcorn for a snack, and then a 6 inch Subway black forest ham sandwich for dinner. No evening snack. Pushing more water toinght. Hey - when I wake up at 2:30 to pee, maybe I'll exercise then. Yeah, right.

I hate not feeling in control of things. Hubby needed to go to Radio Shack in a nearby town (the local didn't have what he needed on hand) for something for work and wanted us all to go together and then eat out (thus Subway - we are a fancy family). He so seldom asks to do anything together that I hate to refuse him when he does. So, that cut into my swimming time, anyway. I thought I might sweat while kiddo watched the new iCarly tonight, but she really wanted company and when she's sick it's even harder to say no. Bah. I'm a sucker. It's my own fault.