Hot 100 Update: embrace failure

I'm not really embracing it, but besides my outstanding job on fruit  lately, I've not been doing well on my Hot 100 goals. I am so sleepy all the time that I'm usually in bed by 10 pm anyway but if i nap too much during the day I am up reading until midnight. I've been playing  around. Exercising - bah! eating when I'm not hungry, YOU BET!  playing around losing and gaining the same five pounds? Great fun! Bloggin 2x daily? I missed a whole day and nobody noticed so why bother? Chores? whatev.  The good news is I have a Dr. appointment first thing Monday morning and that'll prolly get me going. I HAVE made some progress since I saw her 2 months ago. . . I think. And I'll ask her all about what kinds of supplements she recommends to make sure they don't interact with anything i'm already taking.

Nothing really pushed me into this rut and I'll find my way out soon enough. The only explanation I have is that I was really REALLY close to weighing less than Sweetie. When I can truck along fine for a long while but when I notice I'm close to a goal, and especially if I say it to anybody out loud - then it's like the expectation is there that I will meet it quickly and my inner child or whoever rebels against it. Every time I think I have it figured out, then I just stop caring.  I haven't even been reading blogs much. had a great book to read, though.  I'll have a review for that prolly later.  I haven't even updated my Shelfari yet. I think I need to reread Women Food and God!

And so there ya have it. I'm all "why bother?" right now. Eating for fun, sleeping even more, exercising hardly at all . ..  but I am still weighing in every morning which is the only thing that's kept me within that 5 lb range - I'm sure of it.

A little fun

Since Allan brought some traffic my way this morning, I will share some with him.  I feel almost famous today! Please check out his latest blog post here.

Here was my response to him which will probably be posted momentarily if he approves . . .

I knew you couldn't follow directions. You totally skipped the "not me" part. lol I totally expected that!







I criticized you on your own blog, actually, but you chose not to publish those posts. Just as you are likely not to post this or any other posts supporting me. I have a general policy not to say things behind people's backs that I wouldn't tell them to their face. Any criticism I have made of you wasn't about your diet but about the way you sometimes present yourself - or presented before the new nicer Al came along.






I'm human. I have good days and bad. I share them. I have been tempted not to post my setbacks mainly because I know you love to point out such things and twist it into somebody being a hypocrite because they're struggling.






As far as following diet "quacks", I read read read whatever I can get my hands on and analyze to determine what I can learn from the material. Richard Simmons, Geneen Roth, Thich Nhat Hanh, and others I read do not profess to be medical experts. They simply share what works for them in hopes that it will help others. The only difference between them and you is that they get paid for it. That doesn't make them quacks. A quack is somebody that professes to have medical knowledge when they don't.






Of COURSE you love me. I am quite lovable and capable and, as you will see, I am going to be healthier than ever. Maybe not as quickly as you are, but in my own way I will succeed.
 
 
Oh yeah, then I went back to post again that I have been born and raised in the USA. I have never even been to Canada even though it's less than 2 hours from me. I'm not sure how Allan figured I'm from Oz since I'm always saying that my life dream is to go there.  Ah well, he is obviously still getting to know me.

It's not a setback, it's a learning experience.

And what I've learned this week is that letting down my guard even a little, will gain me nothing except pounds. 5 of them to be exact, but that was before I stayed up late and exercised last night. So, I'm back to being diligent about food and exercise.

Thanks everyone for your support over these few days. It really struck me when I went back up over that "morbidly obese" BMI yesterday. That was really discouraging! But, I took all your advice, meditated, got some good positive self-talk going, ignored the negative voices telling me that I was a complete fraud and had no business blogging and encouraging others when I couldn't even get my own act together and keep it together.

And then I realized - why should I hold myself to higher standards than I hold others? What would I tell somebody else if it were them experiencing a setback? I would tell them - learn from this experience, to consider it simply a speed bump in the journey, drink water, exercise, breathe . . . even when you find yourself losing a battle, know that you will win the war.

Look at the TIME!

"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." - Ellen DeGeneres

Two days this week I didn't make time for exercise. I played some mind games with myself and ended up, as usual, regretting it. As much time as I spend online, I have plenty of time to burn calories. No excuses - I need to exercise every.day. EVERY DAY! There are no "days off" from lifestyle changes, at least not for me. Or there shouldn't be. I need to get up off my duff and move. There are plenty of exercises out on the internet if I don't feel like swimming, walking, or doing Wii. Yes, those things do get boring after doing them day in and day out. Yes, some days my feet hurt from standing barefoot on porcelain tile in the kitchen. Yes, I am tired every.damn.day.

Please, if you find yourself playing mindgames with yourself and making excuses, check out youtube to find alternative exercises to do. At least move a bit extra during the day, even if it's not your usual thing. Movement is SO important and I don't know about you, but I have to stop letting myself off the hook!

Here are a few things to search on youtube to get you started. Please let me know if you find anything awesome!

couch exercises
chair aerobics
aerobic foot massage