Need to turn this slow moving barge around

Well, I'm really going to have to start taking care of myself before all my hard work is undone. I can barely button my jeans and I refuse to buy bigger sizes. The only other option is to become a nudist and nobody wants that. Nobody.

I haven't weighed myself in forever. I know that the daily weighing in is motivational for me. I have eaten some of the most delicious food in the last few months. And enjoyed it thoroughly. I have to get back into the mindset that pleasure is not number one priority when nourishing my body.

Pain. Ugh the knees are killing me. My back is sore almost all the time. Time to dust off the Wii and find the "Walk It Out" game.

I'm gonna start slow and ease myself into it. School starts soon and it will be an emotional time. Soon after Kiddo will enter the double digits. Oh yeah, and a doctor appointment.

The Hate-Loss Challenge

Over at Fat Girl Wearing Thin, I've joined this great new challenge because it  has a really cute badge it is in alignment with how I want to live. Check it out here:



In general I do a fairly good job at saying positive things to others, even on my grumpy days. In order to keep on track, though, I will need to embrace the habit of lifting myself up as well. Here's to trying to end the self-hate that creeps in on the dark days. I am confident that I can do this! Come join us!

Hot 100 Update: embrace failure

I'm not really embracing it, but besides my outstanding job on fruit  lately, I've not been doing well on my Hot 100 goals. I am so sleepy all the time that I'm usually in bed by 10 pm anyway but if i nap too much during the day I am up reading until midnight. I've been playing  around. Exercising - bah! eating when I'm not hungry, YOU BET!  playing around losing and gaining the same five pounds? Great fun! Bloggin 2x daily? I missed a whole day and nobody noticed so why bother? Chores? whatev.  The good news is I have a Dr. appointment first thing Monday morning and that'll prolly get me going. I HAVE made some progress since I saw her 2 months ago. . . I think. And I'll ask her all about what kinds of supplements she recommends to make sure they don't interact with anything i'm already taking.

Nothing really pushed me into this rut and I'll find my way out soon enough. The only explanation I have is that I was really REALLY close to weighing less than Sweetie. When I can truck along fine for a long while but when I notice I'm close to a goal, and especially if I say it to anybody out loud - then it's like the expectation is there that I will meet it quickly and my inner child or whoever rebels against it. Every time I think I have it figured out, then I just stop caring.  I haven't even been reading blogs much. had a great book to read, though.  I'll have a review for that prolly later.  I haven't even updated my Shelfari yet. I think I need to reread Women Food and God!

And so there ya have it. I'm all "why bother?" right now. Eating for fun, sleeping even more, exercising hardly at all . ..  but I am still weighing in every morning which is the only thing that's kept me within that 5 lb range - I'm sure of it.

Full vs. Satsified

"I eat less than 2000 calories a day and I am full"
"I  cut out carbs and I'm still full"
"Whenever try to control myself, I never feel full"
"I'm so full and all I ate was watermelon"


These are just a few of the comments I've heard over about fullness. I want to suggest to all of you out there in blogville, that having a "full" stomach should not be on your list of goals if you are trying to lead a healthy lifestyle - especially if that lifestyle includes weight control.  I have come to the realization that having a full stomach leads to a full figure.

When your stomach feels "full," it's a reaction to being stretched. This happens when too much food is put into it. Filling one's stomach can lead to discomfort, indegestion, and lethargy. There are recommendations against activity on a full stomach because when your stomach is full, it is easy to induce vomitting, cause diarhea, or cause muscle cramps due to circulation being diverted to the stomach in order to handle this overstuffed state.

Pay attention to your body. If it's hungry, feed it. When it's not hungry any more, stop feeding it. Full is not the goal. Satisfied is the goal. Absence of hunger is the goal. You should still be able to wear the same pants compfortably after a meal as when you sat down. If you can't, you've overeaten. You should still be able to do normal activity after a meal. Do you rub your belly and sigh/groan when you get up from the table? If you have to unbutton your pants and go lay down after a meal, that's not satisfaction. That's gluttony, over-doing it, and being sick. It's your body telling you "don't do this to me! I can't function like this!" 

Just because the food may taste good doesn't mean you have to eat every bit of it. Just because you are on a 2,000 calorie diet doesn't mean that should be your daily intake goal. That is your upper limit, not the amount you want to achieve. Weight Watchers, 45 points (for example) is your daily limit. They give you extra in the week because they know you'll want to cheat. They've been at this a long time and know how it works, after all! Your body has built-in mechanisms to tell you when and how much to eat. Points and calories are excellent guidelines, but your body was either built through thousands of years of evolution or designed my an all-knowing god(ess).  It's okay to be less than full, to be satisfied, to be nourished, to be comfortable.

Americans seem to have an obsession with being full, not just dieters. People think if they aren't full, they are in danger of starving. People don't realize that it is okay to be hungry once in a while. Our dear Allan posted a wonderfully perspective-inducing picture of what starving looks like on his blog today. In that spirit, I'm going to post for a you picture of what "full" looks like.

Doesn't he look uncomfortable? I think he's having a hard time doing his job. He's overworked! Poor guy.

I'd much rather have a satisfied tummy than a full tummy at this point. It's taken me some mental conditioning to get here. I don't want a full tummy. I don't want the full figure that comes with it. I want to be satisfied with my figure, and with my life - which is already quite full, thank you.

A little fun

Since Allan brought some traffic my way this morning, I will share some with him.  I feel almost famous today! Please check out his latest blog post here.

Here was my response to him which will probably be posted momentarily if he approves . . .

I knew you couldn't follow directions. You totally skipped the "not me" part. lol I totally expected that!







I criticized you on your own blog, actually, but you chose not to publish those posts. Just as you are likely not to post this or any other posts supporting me. I have a general policy not to say things behind people's backs that I wouldn't tell them to their face. Any criticism I have made of you wasn't about your diet but about the way you sometimes present yourself - or presented before the new nicer Al came along.






I'm human. I have good days and bad. I share them. I have been tempted not to post my setbacks mainly because I know you love to point out such things and twist it into somebody being a hypocrite because they're struggling.






As far as following diet "quacks", I read read read whatever I can get my hands on and analyze to determine what I can learn from the material. Richard Simmons, Geneen Roth, Thich Nhat Hanh, and others I read do not profess to be medical experts. They simply share what works for them in hopes that it will help others. The only difference between them and you is that they get paid for it. That doesn't make them quacks. A quack is somebody that professes to have medical knowledge when they don't.






Of COURSE you love me. I am quite lovable and capable and, as you will see, I am going to be healthier than ever. Maybe not as quickly as you are, but in my own way I will succeed.
 
 
Oh yeah, then I went back to post again that I have been born and raised in the USA. I have never even been to Canada even though it's less than 2 hours from me. I'm not sure how Allan figured I'm from Oz since I'm always saying that my life dream is to go there.  Ah well, he is obviously still getting to know me.

It's not a setback, it's a learning experience.

And what I've learned this week is that letting down my guard even a little, will gain me nothing except pounds. 5 of them to be exact, but that was before I stayed up late and exercised last night. So, I'm back to being diligent about food and exercise.

Thanks everyone for your support over these few days. It really struck me when I went back up over that "morbidly obese" BMI yesterday. That was really discouraging! But, I took all your advice, meditated, got some good positive self-talk going, ignored the negative voices telling me that I was a complete fraud and had no business blogging and encouraging others when I couldn't even get my own act together and keep it together.

And then I realized - why should I hold myself to higher standards than I hold others? What would I tell somebody else if it were them experiencing a setback? I would tell them - learn from this experience, to consider it simply a speed bump in the journey, drink water, exercise, breathe . . . even when you find yourself losing a battle, know that you will win the war.

Kick me!

I can feel myself slipping into the place where I'm giving up on things. That's extremely stupid because things were working, why give up? I can't give up on myself like that again. I can't just go through the motions of my day, not affecting positive change,  just because it's easier than dealing with the overwhelming feelings that are sneaking up on me. I can't let it get me down when other bloggers criticize me. I can't start thinking that they're right and that I am just another wannabe. Who cares what they think anyway.

I'm going to do this. I can't let myself be a lazy quitter. I need to do this.