Judging

One of my favorite parts of Martin Luther King Jr's famous "I have a dream" speech is the part that talks about wanting his children and grandchildren to be judged by the "content of their character" instead of the color of their skin. This MLK day, I've been thinking about content of character quite a bit. How do I build that in my kid, how do I show it in myself, and what are my expectations of it in others . . . these are the things on which I've been ruminating recently.

Judgment is  a difficult habit for me to let go of. I especially tend to judge judgers. I don't like to feel judged, but I realize that everybody is judging all of the time. Judgement is the job of god - big G or little, you decide. Plural, even, if you like. The most challenging work I've been doing is to let go of judgment. I can't quite figure out how I can hold myself and/or other up to high expectations and deal with those expectations not always being met without judgment coming into play.

Right now, I am judging m myself harshly for my recent eating habits, but not as harshly as I am judging the people who are judging OTHERS for not meeting their own expectations of health. So I sit here and ponder and get caught up in the drama of other people behaving idiotically instead of forgiving myself and doing better. After all, I'm the only person I can control, right?

People who do not practice general kindness are not worth my time. Is that a judgment? Or is it my right to decide that and follow through with it by movin on without them?  Dammit, this is hard. Judgment is so damn useful and addictive!

Ok, those are the thoughts rambling around in my head today . . .

This morning we did a Kids For Peace service project at the local botanical garden. We sowed seeds for veggies that will eventually be given to community gardens to feed the poor. Feels good to get soil all over me and do some good. Today is supposed to be a national day of service. I'm proud to say I (and my kid) participated in that.

stupid pain.

Yesterday was a full day of volunteering and 3/4 of day of intense pain.

It's bad enough to have killer menstrual cramps. I'm used to that for a day or two every month and can ignore it. This time, I'll spare you the details, but it is particularly unpleasant.  But that wasn't enough! Even though I felt otherwise "fine" while I shelved books at the school library, when I got out of the car at home afterwards, I had pain in my left leg from my knee all the way up to my lower back. Not muscle soreness - I can deal with that with basic whining techniques. Not sciatica, I've been down that now seemingly pleasant road before. No, this is different.

I took my Voltaren and went about my day sitting at the church and working on the weekly newsletter and walking became less of chore as the meds kicked in. It was barely noticeable until I got home and *gasp* tried to climb a stair-step. I'm telling you this hurts all along the long bone and OUCH it takes my breath away.  But now, it only hurts when I'm going up the steps.

So yesterday I skipped squats.  I did do 91 sit-ups for that challenge though. I keep stretching my legs and my back and it seems to be getting a little better. But I think I'd better rest it for another day. If that doesn't help, maybe a chiro? I've never been to one before but a friend works in the office for a chiro practice somewhere nearby.

A dusting of snow today caused backups on I-75 near the Ohio turnpike. Another good reason to stay home. Fools can't drive.

I'm so ready to hibernate

I'm really struggling right now with the urge to "retreat" from the world. I just love being at home and alone for a while in the winter, not driving around after dark that comes way too early, not facing the maniacal holiday crowds. Just me, Sweetie, the Kiddo and all the Christmas cookies we can eat. Yum . .. cookies.

Sore throat is sneaking in, and the fatigue is extra extra bad.  I ended up deciding to be a lump today for most of the day. although I did go and pay my traffic ticket - this was a anxiety trauma of proportions that I am not yet ready to discuss. I also took kiddo to clarinet lessons. We had a good long snuggle tonight afterwards which is just what I needed. I was surprised she was still long enough.

So, tomorrow is day 3 of the first week of the 200 squat challenge. Part of me wants to put it on hold until my hemorrhoid problem clears up, in case that is what is aggravating it. However, I feel no symptoms of it when I'm performing said squats and I really do hate to be a quitter. Plus, Mandy would never let me hear the "end" of it. Oh, that reminds me - kiddo decided to showoff yesterday and do 100 squats after hearing us discuss the program. I warned her - quietly, true - to be careful and not overdo it. Yeah, she's hurting today. Thus, the snuggles.

I also got asked to come back to volunteering at the church office after the first of the year, and that is a good thing. I think if I'm required to be "out there" and doing for others, I am less likely to stay home and wallow. I need to be needed, I suppose.

Laying around today, I read David Sedaris' new book. For anybody with an incredibly sick sense of humor, I highly recommend it. It's called Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk and it's a series of twisted animal stories. If you're a normal person, you probably wouldn't like it. But then, you probably would like me anyway so why are you even reading this? Shah!