Intuition vs. Compulsion, halfi-versary, and more

How many times have you read or heard somebody say "If I ate intuitively, I'd weigh 500 lbs!" or "Eating intuitively is what got me to nearly 300 lbs in the first place!" or something along those lines?

If you've been following me for long, you know that I have been struggling more with eating the last few weeks. It doesn't matter why - we all have our excuses and our times when we struggle more than others. I've been eating for entertainment which is the hardest habit for me to break. Yes, I love food -yummy yummy food that isn't good for me. Yes, I find comfort in eating what i want. And when I feel "blah" for whatever reason, I am compelled to eat and eat and eat said yummy, fattening food because that's what I want to do in the short term. That's what compulsion is all about - satisfying urges for short-term pleasure as opposed to using your intellect and determining what it is we really want out of our food and out of our lives as a whole.

Setting aside the compulsion and focusing on what we know is eating right is at the center of every one of our "diets" or attempts at healthy living. We have to make ongoing choices and sometimes circumstances make those choices more difficult than others. It's okay to have setbacks as long as we don't let them become a way of life. Replacing the compulsion to eat with other compulsions isn't going to lead us to where want to be either. Working things through, keeping your intuition keen and sharp, that's where it's at. And that's what we all work to do every day to make our lives better and longer.

I no likie weekends.

So, yesterday was a waste of a day. I spent 5 hours in a heatless house waiting for a contractor from Home Depot that never showed. Then I spoke with the store manager and ended up promising to never to business with his company in my lifetime. Sweetie is at Lowe's right now looking for an alternative. I was angrier last night at HD than I have been with anybody in a long long time. It was not pretty. I was enraged. There WILL be a manifesto written and sent to HD customer service. Once I am calm enough to stop using the most satisfying of all naughty words.  It might be a day or two.

I am sick and tired of my flat, lifeless hair today. I don't use "product" in my hair other than JASON fragrance free shampoo and most of the year that works for me. I like to pretend I'm not vain, but this hair is getting on my nerves. (No, Mandy, I will not be shaving my head.)

I'm craving warm cookies and brownies today, right out of the oven. Luckily, I don't have the ambition to make them.

This week will be a full one - supposed to be donating '95 Monte Carlo (my baby!) to charity, getting issues at the "rental" house fixed up fromt eh break-in, volunteering at church, and general getting-the-house-in-order maintenance. I also have to get back in touch with the equip people and see if I can try another mask for the CPAP. Even with the chin strap, this one isn't working.I've lucked out enough 2 days to get a half-night sleep but if it's not consistent, it isn't worth it. I have bruised cheekbones from the tightness of the mask, but any loser and it loses it's seal and makes horrid noises that nobody could sleep through.  I'm determined to make the damn thing work.

Sleep Study Follow up, changed the ticker, and a couple days off

Tonight is my sleep study follow-up where I experience the treatment. Guess what? I'm having a bit of an anxiety attack. I could use some info from CPAP users letting me know what it's like. Freakin out a little here, but looking forward to treatment and not having days like yesterday where I slept almost all freakin day and was still exhausted at 9 pm.

I realized this morning that I hadn't updated my ticker for a bit. So that's current now> New low weight.

Because of my leg I haven't done any exercise the last coupla days but I'm going to the gym to at least  do treads today. Hopefully it'll work off some of this anxiety.

Weather Woes and back to work

Wow. Big storms apparently blew through near us today, but I missed all of it except for the warnings.

Sweetie came home for lunch as  usual and that's when the rain started coming down. The rythm of the falling rain didn't tell me what a fool I was being. I wish it had. Instead it sang me a nice lullaby. I laid down on the sofa after I ate and the next thing I knew it was time to wait for kiddo's bus. 

That 2 hour nap isn't keeping me up late tonight though. I'm sleeeepy anyway. Why? Because it never occurred to me until just now that I didn't make time to exercise today. or yesterday.  So quickly I can get off track, depressed, and out of my routine.

Tomorrow - I'm kicking butt on exercise. I'm gonna try for an hour of cardio (2 sessions of 30 minutes) and also work on balance for a bit.

So much for 10 pm

I was up until almost 2 o'clock this morning, upset about something at kid's school. Couldn't stop thinking about it. She was up at 1 am with growing pains in her legs. Tylenol and some snuggles then sent her back to bed. Finally got some sleep, about 5 hours I guess. Not too shabby, but would like to have a few more zzz's before driving to the windy city later today.

Goal today is to wash and sort laundry. Between loads, the sofa is my friend. Now if I could just convince Hobbes to sleep on my feet.

Apparently, housework doesn't burn as many calories as I had hoped. Gained a slight bit this week, less than 2 lbs. I need to figure out how to balance intense cardio time with cleaning time. I guess that will get easier as house gets more "in order" and doesn't take so long to straighten.  We'll be doing lots of walking in the next few days so it's all good.

We'll leave this afternoon, Sweetie staying home to hold down the fort and keep the kitchen tidy.

Too much to sort out

I've got a lot bouncing around in my head right now. Good things, things I'm excited about. Epiphanies, new discoveries, goals, the future (both long term and short) and lots of stuff to think about.

So, just took my Paxil and I expect that I'll calm down soon, but for now there's too much going on in my head to write a coherent blog entry for the day.

I hope my enthusiasm stays with me tomorrow. I didn't get any official exercise today but I feel good. My husband might say this is some kind of bipolar upswing, but since I've never been diagnosed with bipolar, I just blow it off when he says things like that.

I may have issues, but he's got the whole subscription and as long as we're in it together, it'll all be good.