Sometimes when we are so engulfed in and overwhelmed by our own pain, it's really hard to keep things in perspective.
This is one lesson I've gleaned from my reading of The Shack already. It's sort of like looking past your pain to find your joy. Earlier I gave advice to another blogger that when she is so far down so lonely and desperate that one thing to do is to focus on service to others. Not your immediate family, but people that you don't have connections to like the sick or the homeless. There are so m any needy people and critters that need help. Volunteering is one way I get "out of my own way" and "look past the pain" on my down days when I'm really just ready for a big wallow in the puddle-muck of self pity.
It'd be funny to say "pain" is my middle name, given my blogger id, but it's more that I"m a pain in the ass than my sould being "a little black spot on the sun today". I've consciously worked hard all my life to get around the pain of my childhood. The grief for the little girl that I was can be overwhelming for sure. It can make me lose my perspective, and lose my power. I have my days, but mostly they are good.
Look past the pain, find your joy. It's not always easy, but it is doable.