29 December 2010

Teller of untruths, Teller of untruths, may your trousers combust spontaneously!

Lies and the big fat liars that tell them. What should we do about them? Particularly here in blogland? And what should we do when people give ultimatums akin to a second grader saying "I won't be your friend if you play with Suzie!"

Seriously, I've been disappointed by bloggy friends  who follow those who trash me, my lifestyle, my physician-endorsed health plan, and my friends. But know what? That's their choice.

I can totally understand wanting to hide from bullies, changing your blog and your blogger ID to protect yourself, and I can even understand the struggle between wanting to protect oneself that way and wanting to stand up for oneself as well. I'm a pretty understanding person. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I see the good in most people, even when it is overpowered by negative.

I understand that narcissistic personality disorder can be really difficult to live with and it takes all my compassion to meditate for loving kindness towards people who experience it. What I can't understand is why somebody tells lies to garner sympathy for themselves and play the victim. Why not let it go and focus on your own success and happiness instead of trying to discredit others and play the GW Bush "if you're not with me, you're against me" card. Really? Who does that serve? How do you grow as a person if you surround yourself with "yes men" and people who fawn over your adoringly never questioning anything you say or do?

Personally, I value friendships that challenge me and encourage me to think outside my own narrow experience. I thrive on them actually.

But I'm curious about your opinions, my bloggy friends, how do YOU think this kind of stuff should be handled? And, do you handle it the way you would advise your children to handle it on the playground?

~~~We now return to our previous program, already in progress~~~

Edited to add: For the record, I never denied welcoming Darla back to blogland. I don't know where that accusation came from at all. It's just another way of his misrepresenting the truth.



  1. I'm not sure what has happened but hope that you're ok.

    I'm so gullible, I've never considered that anyone here in blog land might be telling lies!

  2. I'm of a mind that my blog is my blog and I will follow those I want to follow and ignore those I want to ignore. If someone in blogland has treated me unfairly or rudely, I will block them. If we have friends in common I may not completely trust those friends and may therefore then stop following them. My blog is personal. It is full of personal information and I do not want to give anyone who despises me the opportunity to use personal information to lash out or hurt me with it. The person you are referring to had let the whole thing drop and moved on. It was the OTHER party who brought the shit back up again. I had my own run in with her over a very benign comment. In my opinion she is a very hateful person and I would question anyone who supports the kind of vitriol she spews on her blog. As always this is just my opinion and I'm entitled to that just like everyone else.

  3. Alison, stay green! Ignorance is bliss, lol

    Karen; I agree with your standpoint although we have different perspective obviously on the individuals involved. One of the things I value most about my relationship with you, is that you seem to be able to objectively look past the lies he spews about me and make a decision based on your own experiences with me. Even though we do not always agree 100% with one another, you and I enjoy a mutual respect that has been supportive and friendly.

    I personally didn't see any posts Darla made directly about Allan, just that she came back to blogland. Is her mere existence enough provocation for that spew today? And me? I am mentioned almost weekly along with whoever he is trashing that paticular day.

    Ah well, I will continue reading both, and trying to be my best self and learn what I can from those who share their lives with us here.

  4. It was suggested that I check out Alan's blog. I thought the suggestion was being made because of all the followers he had and all the other blogs he lists on his. I thought he was acting as some kind of PR persona for other bloggers so I sent him a message.

    He sent me an email telling my how much my food choices suck based on two days of bad food compared to three weeks of good choices and my Scorpio hackles went up.

    I said thanks but no thanks to his demand that I join his path and explained that I was just looking for exposure, not a new diet plan. I don't think my diet plan is fool proof nor do I think it's for everyone but it works for me. In fact, 90% of the blogs I follow are doing something different but they're having success so I follow them and support them even if they're not counters.

    Well what does Allen do? Posts lies about me. Cuts bits and pieces of my blog posts up to make it look like I'm a rambling idiot, changes a 1 to a 4 to make it look like I ate 4,500 calories in a single day, and calls me every name in the book.

    What's worse? His readers, for the most part, totally bought it! Well I exploded. I ragged out the person who suggested him to me, ragged out poor Mrs. Happy Pants for following his blog when he was such a liar and hater, and otherwise lost it. I was wrong for that: completely.

    Then I start thinking "yeah so he lied but he also posted a link to my blog where people could see the truth for themselves". The link he posted more or less exposed the fact that he had lied about me to anyone with enough sense to click over and see my posts with their own two eyes. And I gained something like 14 new followers. Why would he do that?

    I haven't gone back to read his blog for any reason since that first pile of crap he said about me. 17 lbs is good and I'm proud of it, especially at Christmas time. Who is Allen to me? No one, nothing. Will I ever meet him? Do I need his acceptance or approval? No and no.

    Maybe I'm giving him too much credit here but considering that every time he mentions me I gain followers I am almost wondering if he actually IS doing PR in his own awful twisted way. Sensationalism sells. His lies made my blog into a freak-show and people love freak-shows so I got a crap load of exposure (and thanks to adsense ads, earned $11) in a single day.

    Every organization or community has clicks. Blogging, especially weight-loss blogging, is no different. Allen has his "click", you have yours, I have mine and so far you and I seem to get along smashingly well. Some of the people who follow me also follow him too and that's fine ... I don't mind.

    Dieting is like religion in my opinion. To each their own: as long as someone's method is working for them and they're not blowing anyone up in the process - more power to them. Does it mean I have to follow their plan (as Allen would have EVERYONE DO)? No. Does it make my plan any less effective for me? No.

    Does being open minded about thinking everyone has a right to choose their own path mean I have to agree with everyone? No. If someone criticizes my path and I think they're wrong I'll defend it, as you've seen. But will I criticize theirs or tell them that they have to do as I do? Nope.

    I understand your position because I've been there. But Allen is a middle-aged, ugly-as-sin, bitter, asshole with a God complex and massive insecurity issues; which is why he trashes anyone who doesn't do what he tells them to. For me, losing weight is supposed to be a positive journey and Allen is just so negative. If he bothers you so much, stop reading him. If you don't want to stop reading him, take all of his posts with a light heart and a grain of salt; otherwise you'll let him drag you down into his world of negativity and you're too good for that.

  5. Actually i don't think Darla has said anything about him since she's been back!
    I've always lived by what my grandmother taught me "if you have nothing nice to say about someone don't say anything at all"
    Since my name is suzie i hope everyone will still play with me :)

  6. My problem with Darla really had nothing to do with Allan other than that he called attention to some of the information she was posting on her blog. I went over there and very politely questioned some of the information. Her reaction to that is why I have issues with her. I can't see her blog now so I don't know what she is saying about Allan now but I do know she went off on me for no reason whatsoever. I think that Allan's problem with you, Lanie is that you were friendly and supportive to him on his blog but then disparaged him on other people's blogs. I would have found that upsetting too. I think the whole situation would die down if all the people who dislike each other would just refrain from mentioning them at all. Even making comments on other blogs about them has a way of getting back to the person and that alone is enough to keep the drama going.

  7. Hi Lanie....to set the record straight, for one thing I have never spoken to or had a previous comment on my only other blog - Have you gained weight? - from Karen Butler Ogle. In fact, I noticed many moons ago that she was good friends with Blogtroll Allan and I just avoided her. So what she is talking about, I don't know. I have comment to other people that I used to follow that I'm back after being shooed away by a troll (which is true). For some reason Allan has a major hate-on for me. I used to actually care and felt hurt about it (like the many, many, many other people he has attacked). Now ... whatever. If people don't want to follow me because, waaaah, Allan won't follow them then it's their choice.

    Why do people lie, etc??? Your guess is as good as mine. Probably because they are juvenile and have some sort of deep rooted issues. :-)

  8. Honestly, I really didn't think this stuff would happen past high school. I hated it all then and I hate it now. So I do the same thing I did then-I follow those blogs I want to follow and don't go to those sites that I don't care for. Obviously what it comes down to for me is that I don't know any of my bloggy friends, not really, I only know what they present on their blog. So in actuality, if I don't follow them, then it is because I don't care for their blog, it is nothing personal, because I don't know them personally. Does that make sense? I don't give a crap who gets along with whom, for me it is about who "I" like, no matter their bloggy clique. For me, liking blogs and their authors comes down to me, do they speak to me somehow, do I feel inspired, do I feel empathy, etc. I joined the bloggy world to get myself through this, and if I can help anyone else along the way, that is a big bonus, but not my main priority. I hope that makes sense-it makes sense in my head!

    Polar's Mom

  9. I don't know all the particulars, but I'm suspecting stuff happened that I/others aren't aware of and that keeping out of the person's circle has a self-protective aspect.

    I don't follow many people as I know who I want to visit and use blog linkies to do that--mine and others blogrolls. But I don't care who follows whom. It's not an issue for me unless there's an actual stalker/danger involved.

    I read who I wanna and whoever wants to read me, fine, until the day they become dangerous/threatening/too weird to tolerate. Thank God, that hasn't happened yet.

    May it never!

    As far as children/real life, I would tell kids to avoid those who befriend truly dangerous/evil/threatening people, cause I don't want th em sucked into the bad peer pressure stuff. For safety reasons. Not for "I don't like you" reasons.

    I get the impression that the person in question (the one blocking) is actually concerned with some peace-of-mind and online safety issues not of the body kind, but of another kind, so for them, well, I think that's why this action was taken. Is it wise? I don't have all the facts, so how can I say?

    That other person (the one being blocked) was using assorted names and that alone makes me a bit suspicious. If you want to stay out of someone's circle, then stay out. Don't use fake names--just avoid 'em! Then there's no more hassle.

    If a person you perceive as a foe is turned away from you and leaving you alone, then it's best to leave them in peace. Why stir it up? And calling them a troll is stirring it up, yes? It's like, "Okay, you forgot about me, but let's stir the pot again." If the pot gets stirred, then don't be surprised if it bubbles up in your face.

    One thing I've learned--lots goes on behind the scenes via email and stuff that I am not privy to. Comments that got deleted--but can still be identified or traced.

    And I only have emailed with 3 online diet bloggers over the ladt 3 years. I try to keep stuff ON the blog unless there's a person with whom I feel I can have deeper camaraderie. But not everyone is as cautious as I, so I assume there's a lot of stuff under the text and behind the blog.....so, dunno.

    I end up hoping things settle down and get peaceful and we can just focus on health, right? That's the main thing. Get healthy...

    But I continue to give this advice: If you don't want a particular person's attention--then just shaddup about them and don't visit or mention them and go on with your health journey surrounded with support, pals, comrades who are suited in temperament and goals and methods.

    If I had a neighbor who'd get their dander up and yelled at me when I skulked about their yard in disguise, I'd stop skulking about their yard in my ninja stealth costume. Seems like common sense.

    That multi-name blogger in question really has to stop provoking. Because action A (be it a comment on a blog or a comment in a post) inevitably leads to reaction B... She'll have many to cheer her on. This is a supportive community. She will not lack for fellow fat-loss sojourners. But that weird little game with her nemesis blogger, that's counter-productive.

    I rambled. Sorry....

  10. R300 - I love the way you think and the way you write. I know you're correct about so much of what you said here. I continue to struggle with whether or not to read there for 2 reasons (1) he shares a lot of really good information and (2) I feel do need to defend myself and my friends, or at least be aware of what's being said. I could go back to paying a PI to keep an eye on that for me, or I could spend that money on books. Hmmm. . .

    Suzi, I'll still play with you but I'm going to have to insist you change your name. lol just kidding. I didn't even think of the connection (obvious now) when I chose that name. My daughter's best friend Suzy told her in 1st grade that they wouldn't be friends anymore if she didn't sit with her on the bus and that's what I was thinking of.

    Karen; I do understand that is the way Allan pressents our relationship, however I never said anything about him other places that I hadn't said to him directly. Now whether he chose to acknowledge or publish those comments is not under my control. I appreciated him a great deal, faults and all - and still do to some extent. I don't even care who he likes or hates, but the lying is beyond my tolerance. I do appreciate your honesty and input. I understand where you are coming from and why you would see things that way. I hope you can understand that my perspective on the issue is quite different. Also, you'llnotice I've ignored about a dozen "Lanie" references on his blog since I've responded to any. I must be PMSing cuz today put me a bit over the edge. A low tolerance day, I suppose.

    Darla - Thanks for stopping in and giving your 2 cents. I hope you don't feel you have to go anon again. That gives power to the wrong people and obviously just turns out bad for you in the long run. This is your year to focus on your weight loss and I'm here for ya.

    Polar - I hear ya sistah. What to do, though, if you like the blog but not the person? Oh, if he would just leave me out of it!

    Princess - I now have a mental vision of you wearing a ninja costume over your princess costume lurking in Allan's back yard. I love your analogy of the bubbles from the stirred pot. Very clever.

    Anon - I didn't read your post before deleting. Please sign in and post again for consisderations.

    Thanks to everybody. I really do appreciate learning from all of your comments and consider each one (except those posted anonymously).

  11. She can call the truth a lie all she wants but the fact is that my comment was benign. I simply questioned the information that SHE POSTED HERSELF and claimed it came from the Mayo Clinic. I asked for the link to the website. She deleted my comment and then misrepresented what I posted and trashed me for a spin on my comment that was never there. She just said it herself in her response above. She completely judged my comment as hostile and inappropriate for no reason other than that I am a friend of Allan's. Evidently, her displeasure with Allan extends to everyone who follows Allan or calls him a friend. That kind of attitude alone is enough to insure that I will never visit her blog again. I choose my friends based on their own merits and not based on who else they associate with. Allan, for all his bluntness and calling out of false or misleading information, is a champion to ANYONE who sincerely wants to lose weight and who is making a sincere effort to do so. He has been there for me since day one and he is part of the reason I've lost more weight than even my surgeon expected. I needed his unvarnished version of the truth about eating and not coddling to get where I am. I know that kind of tough love is not everyone's cup of tea but if that is the case, just WALK AWAY and don't keep the crap going.

  12. I'm really confused now Karen. I followed up "offline" on that one because I think I've got something mixed up.

  13. Karen, with the deepest respect, you are mistaken. I don't think you are lying, I think you may be thinking of someone else. I wish I could resurrect my old blog, but I did not post information claiming it was from the Mayo Clinic, nor did I trash you or whatever it is that you think that I've done to you. I have never spoken to you directly or indirectly ... and that's all I can say about that.

  14. I'm the confused one. With all the fake names I assumed that Darla and Rejecting 300 were the same person. If they aren't I have no idea who Darla is or why she has a problem with me other than that I'm a friend of Allan's. However, the same is true. If I've been judge harshly, not on my own merits, but on my friends, then I'm not missing much by avoiding her blog.

  15. No lies here kids. Havent lied about you Lainie. I said you welcomed Darla back, and you did. I said you post comments about me and you do. I also said I wish you only the best, and I do. As for telling the world about Darla, I will. You wrote that she was Kayla, and I have read her crap. You have never hidden behind the wall of Anonymous, why would you let your "friends" ? As for Reject 300, your befriending her insane diet plans is not going to help her. I abhor coddling people that you know will fail for the sake of being "sweet". You are not helping her. As for our relationship, again I have not lied, you have read things wrong, and you should revisit the facts

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  17. Let me rephrase . . .

    I never said that i DIDN'T welcome Darla back. You implied that I did say that. Can't you just hate people w/o picking on me too? That's just today's lie. Do you REALLY want me to go recheck the hisotry? I have the time, you know!

    Thanks for the clarification Karen. I thought that might've been what happened. It's hard to keep all these people straight, isn't it? I don't think that Darla has anything negative to say about you, at least that I've seen. Be assured that I would stick up for you and try to make peace if I did.

  18. I said, and implied that you welcomed her back. You have, that is your problem. As for "Keeping Allan Honest", maybe you should check your ISP for that blog you have. Lainie, we can go toe to toe if you want. I just want you to lose weight. That is all..

  19. Are you implying that the blogger id "Keeping Allan Honest" has something to do with me? I have 2 blogs. This one and my writing one that I don't use anymore. Since I am losing weight, you must be deleriously happy. Congrats. At least I have the courtesy not to misspell your name.

  20. We'll start with this quote from your Sept 20th post which was the last straw for me. http://almostgastricbypass.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-128-monday-sept-20-2010.html

    "My favorite thing to read is someone like Lanie , who at almost 250 pounds decided she is not obese, and can eat as she wants. If it wasn't so funny, I would cry. Wake up, this is not funny, we are serious about this stuff. Worried about you a little, and not in the mood to go to Ohio for a viewing in the Church"

    At the moment, if I remember correctly, you were upset with Chris at a Deliberate Life but you chose to drag me down as well.

    I never said that I wasn't obese. Not only will there be no viewing at a church but if there was you certainly wouldn't be there. I never said that we could eat mindlessly, I said we have to be mindFUL in figuring out what we really want to eat.

    And here was my response to that post http://healthyschmealthy.blogspot.com/2010/09/what-makes-me-mad-rated-pg13.html in which I used your own words against you, which was great fun. Some of those words mysteriously vanished from your blog shortly thereafter. But, I can't complain because at least you deleted the BS crap you said about my daughter growing up an orphan at the same time.

    I'm sensitive I guess, to read this stuff wrong. But that's just a start and I don't feel like using more of my valuable time for digging it ALL up . . .right now.

    I won't lie and say that I don't respond to your comments on others blogs negatively when you are being hostile. But seriously, to tell people that they can't follow you if they follow Darla? I hope you rethink that and see how immature it sounded. Each of us has good to offer the world and each of us desrerves to make the choice for themselves what the read and who they befriend.