I've decided I can no longer handle the lack of organization, the clutter, and the mess of the place that is supposed to be my "home." I've tried FLYlady.net before and I've finally talked myself into signing up again.
A few weeks ago a bunch of boxes came out of storage and to my horror - ended up in my living room. The LR was my almost-finished sanctuary. I chose the colors, the carpet, the furniture, the art. I felt calm there and could even use the double doors to shut out the rest of the CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) if I had a guest over. Ever since those damn boxes showed up I've been pissed and even downright depressed. The house has gone to total HELL now. Every last inch of it and I have given up. It's completely overwhelming. And then I get these little errands to do outside of the house that irritate me and on top of ThAT, I have to sit and wait for the freakin' Culligan Man. Hmmm. . .maybe I should shout for him like on the old commercials?
I haven't even taken my shower yet because of the CHAOS of my schedule, of my house, and my mind. It's SO stupid! Why don't I "JUST DO IT" as the Nike ads say? Well, because the anxiety is so damn high and I'm so overwhelmed that I feel completely POWERLESS, the same way I have always (up until recently) felt about food. Yesterday we had a sermon at church about letting the light of our own POWER shine through. Power is one of the many things that I feel I have gained through the last few months, something that was taken away at a very young age. Like muscles, the more you exercise your power, the stronger and bigger it becomes.
I've already talked about AVOIDANCE being my worst habit and now I intend to stop it. I know I can't fix it all in a day, and I know that it's probably too much for me to do all by myself. There will be setbacks. I need to learn from those just as I do when the scale jumps up a notch (not that it ever happens that way) or when I forget to pay a bill. Does this all stem from anxiety? From laziness? From poor upbringing? Maybe it's a combination of all three. Sloth cannot be over estimated. Now, I'm taking THIS by storm and joining FLYlady.net. I am wearing my shoes that tie, my sink is shiny, and I'm ready to roll. Anybody wanna come along?
My first task is to clean the clutter off the kitchen table and set it for dinner. But, I might make the bed first. Haven't done that for a while and I'm right near it.