Dear Mercury;

Oh swift-footed messenger of the gods. Oh ye who wears shoes that are even goofier looking than Shape-Ups. Oh erratic, volatile or unstable wing-ed shoed currier of news! 

When your namesake planet is in the state of what appears to be retrograde, communications are extra difficult for we humans. You appear to move backwards through the zodiac, sending communications, appointments, travel, and mail into general disorder. Wires are crossed, calls are missed, confusion ensues. Frustration follows. And then, the eating . .. oh the eating!

But I resist. I will not fall prey to your whimsical musings. Do not toy with my health and body, you trickster! I WILL continue to exercise daily - to move and burn calories, and consume healthy foods. And soon, you will return to your direct station and just in time for my appointment with Dr. Halle Berry Lookalike. And she will tell me I'm fat. And she will tell me I'm old. And she will tell me I need medication to control my thyroid. And nothing will be confused about that. Damn you, Mercury! Where are you when I need you most?

Oh, Mercury - I also want to add that I don't believe in mythology or astrology. Three times yearly (four as an added bonus this year) you tempt me into it. I'm sure it is purely coincidence that I forgot my wallet yesterday, have had a difficult time thinking of what to blog, forget to purchase things on my grocery list, actually win a contest(!), have to do the same work 3 times for the church, arrive late to my kid's activities, lose emails, forget about book orders, and don't receive the mail I am expecting all in the time of your "retro" station.  I know Retro is always in style when it comes to fashion, Merc, but when it comes to communications, stop effing with my life already will ya?