For those who have been unable to find my beekeeping blog the address is here:
That said, there isn't a lot going on there. I have a lot of updating to do just like I do here.
Tomorrow I go and visit the pulmonologist. I'm not excited about this meeting because I don't think I'm using the CPAP machine enough. I've been having a difficult time making good choices all around. Food wise, movement wise, sleep wise. No excuses, just not doing it. I can't really explain why except that it's all mental. I know that any "special circumstances" I could come up with wouldn't justify the fact that I simply don't make good choices to take care of myself and my body well.
Sometimes I think all hope is lost, maybe I'm just too mentally ill or something and won't ever be able to pull it all together. I try not to listen to that damaging self talk but I look around at my house that is a disaster and my half-mowed lawn and my relationships and I think - yeah, whatever. I try to stuff that evil genie back down into it's bottle and go on, though, and it's an ongoing struggle. It all comes down to impulse control. I do have a lot of good days where I feel happy and I love my life it isn't as if I'm completely depressed all the time. I have lots of friends, a great home, and a tolerable family. SO why can't I just do what I know I need to do to make myself healthy?
Must get focused.