I feel like the haze is lifting a little.
Not a thick fog
Almost not noticeable at all really
More of a film
Through which I was viewing worlds
My own life
But I'm clearing off the lens now
It's okay if I don't have specific goals
Numbers and dates
They are not measurements of my success
Resolutions are not my style or nature
Continuous improvement slow and steady
On a daily basis
Meaningful memories linked one to another
To eat a little healthier and move a little more
To learn more about myself and the world
To live with compassion, forgiveness, and truth
I'm back to basics now. I remember who I am and feel inspired once again. I am not setting expectations for myself of consuming or burning a certain number of calories, exercising a certain amount of time, achieving a certain weight or measurements. These things are all tools to use on the journey towards my increased happiness and fulfillment. Lately, I've been caught up in the expectations of others and measuring myself by their standards. Not my style and, frankly, not working for me. Joining challenges seemed like a good idea as it appears so motivating to others. I remember resisting the Hot 100 challenge at first and then just jumping in on the bandwagon for the fun of it. And it was fun for a while. The Power of 1 challenge is really cool too, and I was excited about it at first and it's been really great for me because it's helped me come back to the realization that SMART goals are not what motivate me. I still intend to follow along and encourage people who do gain motivation from these types of things. I kinda wish they did work for me so I could play along more actively with my friends! But since I got involved in so many towards the end of the year, I've really spent a lot more time worrying about reporting in and thereby setting myself up for disappointment, rebellion, and failure.
Another thing that cleared the film away for me is a conversation I had with a good friend recently. We were talking about the future - she is a planner, a goal-setter, and a high-achiever. She was pointing out that I could be doing more with my time while kiddo is in school and I actually started considering it. A lot of my friends are going back to school these days and/or working while kids are in school. But really - it's not what I want for my family. Hubby agrees. I love my job right now. I'm not doing it as well as I would like to do it, and I need to take that up a couple dozezn notches. That's the kind of thing I need to be focusing on! I need to focus on the job I love - taking care of my family. It's enough for me! A big part of that is taking care of myself and that means eating healthy, learning a lot, and becoming more compassionate/loving towards the world. Blogging is my favorite tool towards doing that. Not everybody is given (or takes) the opportunity to do this. It won't last forever, I know. But now is the time to appreciate it and love it. Carpe diem!
What I know about myself is this. By focusing, choice by choice, on what I'm doing NOW instead of where I want to be later, I'm going to have a higher rate of success. I must live in the present to feel completely alive and to feel like I am me.