Dear eliptical trainer machine;
What have I ever done to you? Why do you hate me so? I thought we could be friends, but with your sarcastic attitude and snide "program paused" remarks when I am working my ass off, I don't think it's going to work out. How 'bout a little repect here? I'm an obese middle aged stay-at-home mom with bad knees, poor balance, and aching muscles from weight training yesterday. Is it really necessary to humiliate me by going into "pause" mode when I can't keep up with your (frankly quite unreasonable) demands?
So what if I was only able to do 5 minutes with you today? Tomorrow - it will be 10, and then it will be 20 by next week. And by the end of the year? Oh yeah, missy, you will be my bitch! I do not appreciate your high-and-mighty attitude and I will NOT be tolerant of it. Do you hear me? Not one bit! I will show you who is boss. Your neighbor the treadmill never treats me with such disrespect . . .even after 30 minutes on the cardio setting, it awards me with over 200 calorie burned? And you? Pfft - not even a workout summary because according to you 5 minutes of your torture doen't constitute a "workout." Be prepared e - I will be back, oh I will be back!