30 November 2010

new enemy

Dear eliptical trainer machine;

What have I ever done to you? Why do you hate me so?  I thought we could be friends, but with your sarcastic attitude and snide "program paused" remarks when I am working my ass off, I don't think it's going to work out. How 'bout a little repect here? I'm an obese middle aged stay-at-home mom with bad knees, poor balance, and aching muscles from weight training yesterday. Is it really necessary to humiliate me by going into "pause" mode when I can't keep up with your (frankly quite unreasonable) demands?

So what if I was only able to do 5 minutes with you today? Tomorrow - it will be 10, and then it will be 20 by next week. And by the end of the year? Oh yeah, missy, you will be my bitch!  I do not appreciate your high-and-mighty attitude and I will NOT be tolerant of it. Do you hear me? Not one bit! I will show you who is boss.  Your neighbor the treadmill never treats me with such disrespect . . .even after 30 minutes on the cardio setting, it awards me with over 200 calorie burned? And you? Pfft - not even a workout summary because according to you 5 minutes of your torture doen't constitute a "workout."  Be prepared e - I will be back, oh I will be back!

14 comments:

  1. LOL..I had the same issues too ! However you will conquer it !!!

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  2. you show him, lainie! you can do it!

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  3. Okay this was funny as hell... Loved it..

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  4. Kick it the gears and show it who is boss. Oh and the F18 coincidence, odd at best. A sign, eat and sweat and they will flyover? Lets go with that!

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  5. This is too funny!! Seriously!! ;-)

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  6. I tried an elliptical once. And ONLY ONCE. Hope you are more successful with it!

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  7. That freaking elliptical machine has no idea what it is in for. You kick it's butt!!! I will kick the treadmill's butt. We can do this butt kicking - NO PROBLEM!!!

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  8. Ha! Love it. That machine is a toughie but burns lots of calories without too much joint strain. So start out slow and you will build time up quickly!

    Jennifer
    http://wecanlosethepounds.blogspot.com/

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  9. You need to give that elliptical machine hell tomorrow. Show that thing who's boss. Don't let it take control of you. I know you can do more than 5 minutes!!

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  10. Go get 'em Lainie! Or it, I guess, in this case. That elliptical doesn't stand a chance!

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  11. :) I can't wait to read about how you're going to make that machine your bee-atch! :)

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  12. Yes! Show that elliptical who's boss. They must learn respect.

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