21 August 2010

The end of summer

Starting at a new school is more traumatic for me than it is for my daughter so far. The first day of classes isn't until Wednesday, but I'm completely stressed out about it - and not for her - but for myself. I like to be quite involved at school and I have a whole new set of people I have to meet and try to train to like me. Believe it or not, that doesn't always come naturally to people.  My social anxiety is in high gear and I'm not doing to well with it. My days have been filled with too many other things, and exercise keeps getting forgotten until late at night and therefore skipped altogether.  I am fighting the temptation to just "wait until school starts" to get back into a routine, but that is not really in line with my plan, so I'm going to keep trying to put my mind in the right place.

Tonight instead of exercising, I was beaten at Killer Bunnies by a 9 year old. Clearly that's why the box says the game is for ages 12 and up. Because mom's will feel sorry for younger kids and let them win. Oh wait, she's only 8. That's worse.

I always get moody and depressed when her bday comes along too. I'm sure Julie can identify with the "letting go" issues as her daughter is about to leave for Spain and mine is only going a mile down the road to 4th grade and only for a part of a day. They grow up too fast. I am a cling-on. She's my constant companion all summer long and I'll be lonely without her - at least until I learn to be independent again which might take a few weeks.

Stopping the rambling now.

6 comments:

  1. Lanie, remember, this is your life. This isn't a sprint to lose weight... this isn't even a marathon to get in shape... this is your life now. You are, at your core, someone who wants to be healthy, someone who wants to be in shape, someone who wants to eat what your body needs and not the stuff that's just going to kill you slowly. You are never going to go back to just not caring, to saying that you are choosing to be big for any reason, to giving up on yourself.

    At the same time, life has the strangest habit of providing obstacles for us. Some of these become rather difficult to work around without changing what we want to do; as the song says, life's what happens while we're busy making other plans. I'd say not to worry about the stress of the new school and the social anxiety, but the fact of the matter is you are stressed by it. You can work on changing your reactions to it in the long term, but in the meantime you need to deal with the reality that this IS how you're reacting to it.

    The important thing is to remember that even if you DO fall off the bandwagon this week, even if you somehow gained 15 pounds this week from all the stress eating, there will still be a next week. And there will be a next week after that week. And you're still going to be a woman who is concerned about her health, and you won't have the same stress over the school then. Even if you have the worst eating week anyone has ever had in the history of people eating, get back on the bandwagon as soon as you can catch back up on it. This is not an all or nothing proposition; it's your life. And you're worth it.

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  2. Lanie, just be yourself. People will like you. You don't have to train people to like you. I've never met you, and I like you because I see the real you here on this blog. Don't give up on the exercise. Don't worry about being lonely. Look at it as an opportunity to spend some time working towards your goals. Don't wait for school, get moving now. You can do this!

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  3. You guys are the best. T, you made my eyes tear up a bit. I know, I'm an easy cry - but your note really hit home. You are both right.

    I did some simple exercises last night before I went to sleep, ate pretty well all day, and found myself down 2.2 lbs this morning. Lots of water weight, I'm sure.

    So, I'm getting back in shape, I'm not morbidly obese. I'm not giving up. Today we have an open house at our old house and I'm going this morning to do some yard work and hopefully will have time to do church as well. I'm pushing negativity out of my mind.

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  4. I have always been shy. Still am - but most people are surprised to learn that about me. Because I work hard to overcome it. And I have finally learned that I am more uncomfortable waiting for the other person to say "hi" first than to take the initiative and make the first move:)

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  5. You can't keep just pushing negativity away all of the time, though... and again, this is a life change, this isn't a diet. This week isn't a good one with what's going on at school, but at some point you need to tackle what makes you feel negative and own that emotion, take away the power from what's antagonizing you. I still have issues myself, I admit, but part of why I'm having more luck this time is what I did with the hypnotist to address some of the reasons why I felt I need to eat.

    Push negativity away and it'll come back... but pushing it away is a good plan this week. Figure out how to disarm it down the road though and you'll find this path a much easier one to walk. This is *NOT* a "just do it", "quick and easy" recommendation and I know it. But if you can address what makes you overeat in the long term you'll be thin for life!

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