Lens

Still reading the Geneen Roth book and thinking a lot about the need to feel special, protected, and saved. I'm trying to learn to slow my mind-freak down to a dull roar and pay attention to what's really happening in the now and trying not to focus on things that are beyond my influence. I've talked about "wanting" before and how I need to find a way to minimize the wants in my life. I realized in my reading this week that one thing that I want, have always wanted, is for people to know the REAL me. And my biggest frustrations (especially lately) have come when that want has been interfered with. Discovering that my sister has been maligning my character for 30 years, one friend seeing me as nagging & self centered, and another one accusing me of "coming down on" her kid too hard when in reality I had been trying to find out if my kid had said something offensive . . . way back to when teachers assumed I'd have the same personality as my older siblings in elementary school. Anyhow: The lesson? People are going to see me (and the world) through whatever lens they are looking through - a lens that is smudged, shaped, cracked, and even distorted through their own experiences that have nothing to do with me. What can I do with this realization? I can understand that it just as well applies to me looking back at the rest of the world. This lens is all scratched and chipped, cracked down the middle with a big wad of duct tape holding it together. I need to polish it up or get a new one.  It's an ongoing project.

Also, it's been one crazy-ass week and I'm tarred!

A bit of good news today, but I'm afraid to share it or I'll jinx myself. Ends up I have time to blog tonight, but I'm super duper sleepy.