I want to stop wanting. The book I'm reading presently by Laura Munson reinforces my belief that WANTING is the root of suffering. I've been chewing on this on and off now for a while. I'm no where near as "wanty" as I used to be.
Do you know any kids who are always saying what they want? There's a term for this kind of kid. It's called being a brat! A kid tells me what they want, I ask how they plan on getting it. Or "How do you get what you want?" and until they come up with the idea of asking nicely for it. Yes, I will do this to ANY kid, not just mine. It takes a village, dammit! Sometimes at home we'll play the "want" game if somebody mentions something they want. We will escalate to more and more ridiculous things tha twe want until we break out in giggles. Want to live at the American Girl Store? You're allowed to want that all you want to . . .just don't expect it to happen simply because you want it.
Oddly enough, we watched the movie Popeye the other day - nothing animated, the one with Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall. And Olive Oyle was making me crazy talking about everything she wanted and how ugly everything was and she was completely unsatisified with everything. I hate that part of myself and I want it gone, and that's why it annoys me so much in others. Kiddo and I had a good discussion about the movie. Did you notice when Olive stopped being so whiny and obnoxiouis? It was when Sweetpea came along and she started taking care of him. What??? Thinking of others and doing for others will actually get you out of your own wallow hollow? Genius! I keep forgetting that. I love me a good wallow.
Sometimes you can get what you want. I want to be healthy, I work hard towards that end. I stay focused on that goal. It's happening little by little. I want to feel valued? Then I better start acting valuable. I better start valueing myself cuz I can't make anybody else value me. It all goes back to the tried and true serenity prayer (hey - prayer would be a good blog topic!) about recognizing what I can't control. I can't make Sweetie be an affectionate love-dovey type of guy. Not gonna happen. I can encourage it and live by example, though. And I can let go of wanting that . .. that is my goal. It's been over 20 years already, why do I still keep expecting and wanting what I know he's not going to deliver?
Wanting to go to Australia . . . I can start researching, saving, and planning. I can't force him to want to go along, no matter how much I want to share that experience with him. I learned that after talking him into joining us on our trip to the art museum the other day when he didn't want to go. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to, at all. STOP WANTING, Lanie! Don't go into these things with an end-result in mind. DOn't have a script all made up in your head of what you want to happen. Just live in the moment, and find the joy that's there when it's there. Stop "wanting" yourself to death. It's gonna make you even crazier. Eating crazy-like certainly isn't going to get you what you want - unless you wanna be a whole lot of obese in an extra-large coffin.
What do you WANT? Can you get it? How? If you can't, how are you going to let go of that want?
I got some more reading to do this afternoon!