10 November 2010

Know what I want?

I want to stop wanting. The book I'm reading presently by Laura Munson reinforces my belief that WANTING is the root of suffering. I've been chewing on this on and off now for a while. I'm no where near as "wanty" as I used to be.

Do you know any kids who are always saying what they want? There's a term for this kind of kid. It's called being a brat!  A kid tells me what they want, I ask how they plan on getting it. Or "How do you get what you want?" and until they come up with the idea of asking nicely for it. Yes, I will do this to ANY kid, not just mine. It takes a village, dammit!  Sometimes at home we'll play the "want" game if somebody mentions something they want. We will escalate to more and more ridiculous things tha twe want until we break out in giggles. Want to live at the American Girl Store? You're allowed to want that all you want to . . .just don't expect it to happen simply because you want it.

Oddly enough, we watched the movie Popeye the other day - nothing animated, the one with Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall. And Olive Oyle was making me crazy talking about everything she wanted and how ugly everything was and she was completely unsatisified with everything. I hate that part of myself and I want it gone, and that's why it annoys me so much in others. Kiddo and I had a good discussion about the movie. Did you notice when Olive stopped being so whiny and obnoxiouis? It was when Sweetpea came along and she started taking care of him. What??? Thinking of others and doing for others will actually get you out of your own wallow hollow? Genius!  I keep forgetting that. I love me a good wallow.

Sometimes you can get what you want. I want to be healthy, I work hard towards that end. I stay focused on that goal. It's happening little by little. I want to feel valued? Then I better start acting valuable. I better start valueing myself cuz I can't make anybody else value me. It all goes back to the tried and true serenity prayer (hey - prayer would be a good blog topic!) about recognizing what I can't control.  I can't make Sweetie be an affectionate love-dovey type of guy. Not gonna happen. I can encourage it and live by example, though.  And I can let go of wanting that . .. that is my goal.  It's been over 20 years already, why do I still keep expecting and wanting what I know he's not going to deliver?

Wanting to go to Australia . . . I can start researching, saving, and planning. I can't force him to want to go along, no matter how much I want to share that experience with him. I learned that after talking him into joining us on our trip to the art museum the other day when he didn't want to go. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to, at all. STOP WANTING, Lanie!  Don't go into these things with an end-result in mind. DOn't have a script all made up in your head of what you want to happen. Just live in the moment, and find the joy that's there when it's there. Stop "wanting" yourself to death. It's gonna make you even crazier. Eating crazy-like certainly isn't going to get you what you want - unless you wanna be a whole lot of obese in an extra-large coffin.

What do you WANT?  Can you get it? How? If you can't, how are you going to let go of that want?

I got some more reading to do this afternoon!


  1. I am learning this too.... to stop wanting.
    And to be ok with it.

  2. I love this post. You are absolutely right, you can want until the cows come home but unless you are willing to do something about your wants nothings going to change. I recently seperated from my husband and I wanted him to change but no matter how much I wanted that I couldn't make it happen, he needed to make it happen and he wasn't willing to. The only person in this world you have control over is yourself and until your ready to take control and start making things happen then your going to be stuck in the same miserable life. I've decided its time for me to be in control and stop depending on someone else to make me happy, its time to make what I want happen. I'm back in school, losing weight and taking charge of my life. Good luck on taking control in your own life.

  3. Okay... WOW! You are spot on girl.

    It is so hard for me to live in the moment as I want to plan everything and help it go the way I want. I've done that with my relationships and I've SUFFERED because I don't have the friends that I want. Ug! My hubs told me a few months ago (and I believe he was inspired) that as soon as I don't "need" aka "want so badly" friends, THEN I will have them in abundance. So I work on being happy with what I do have and not dwell on how I wish it was or want it to be. It is hard work!

    I love this post... living in the moment, finding joy in what is already there for you, stop wanting... messages for ME!!

    You surprise me Lanie... you aren't just a witty crack up girl are you!!?! You've gots wisdom!! Thanks for sharing.


  4. Good post. For me, it's controlling. Something I'm thinking about today.

    What do I want? Happy and healthy. I'm working towards both, and I realize that food doesn't give me either one.

    Vee at http://veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

  5. That was an interesting post, Lanie. I have to s y that now that I am working on my health, I think I am getting all I want out of life;. I am learning to be kind to myself and care for myself. Something I failed to do for years and years. So, I want to continue the path to better health. I want to just be a better human being in general.

  6. This is really interesting. We had a grad student from Vietnam this summer and she had such a positive outlook on life and "things". She told me she only wants what she "needs" to get by. The rest she is grateful for every little extra. And it seems the best attitude to have. She had so little living on a grad student salary, but was utterly content.

    I am trying to learn from her.
    Being happy is more important than any thing out there...

  7. LOVE this post. So true, too. Dreams are healthy if your mind is in the right place: if the dream is keeping your spark alive. But wanting for the sake of wanting with no true purpose to it can sabotage our whole sense of well-being. Living in the moment is truly what it's all about. Well said.


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