08 August 2010

Hostility Schmostility

I like to bop around from blog to blog and find new inspiration from other weight-loss/healthy lifestyle-type bloggers. Lately, though, I've run into a bout of negativity and hostility that simply astounds me.

I don't understand why there is such hostililty against obese people on some of the blogs I've been reading lately. I don't think we ever HAVE to be mean or to humiliate people to get our point across. I don't think we can ever hope to make a postive change for anybody using negativity. Never has profanity or SHOUTING given me the motivation I need to make good choices. I doubt that many obese people are very unlike me in that way.

These people will call out other bloggers and link to their supposedly pompous attitudes, or else they will spout off about people in Wal-Mart using motorized carts with 100-calorie snacks in them.

I'd like to think that they wouldn't say such things to a person's face, but what if . . what IF that person behind you in line at WalMart gets online tonight and goes searching for some answers about weight loss? If they would run across that blog, would they be inspired, or humiliated and discouraged? If it were me, I'd feel like a worthless loser with no excuse to live. Then I'd go eat. And eat and eat. Why not? I'm already a "fat lazy slobbish pig who just can't say no to donuts" in their words.


Why should somebody else's issues make people so angry? When they see these obese people they may be already on their journey down. Most of the bloggers that spew this hatred have been there themselves, and many still are quite obese and yet they seem to have no compassion for others in the same situation? These people are obviously already hurting and struggling. Will anger help anyone become motivated to realize they are worthy of a better lifestyle? Aren't there better ways to influence people to do the right thing?

It seems to me that this misplaced aggression (and I'm no psychologist) is merely a relflection of their anger at *themselves* for having let their own body size get out of control. Yes, they are making better choices now, but if it was so easy, why didn't they do it 100 lbs ago? or 250? or whatever? They should absolutely have pride in their own successes so far, and they should shout from the rooftops that it can be done. But they should also remember that empathy is a great and powerful tool to win respect and cooperation from others.

8 comments:

  1. I agree with you. *What if* that really obese person had something happen and hit their wall and has finally decided to make a change. It's saturday night. There's nothing to do but browse the internet. They find the weight loss blog community and unfortunately, one of the first ones they come across happens to make them feel like crap. Who knows..

    I wonder if sometimes we write things thinking we're just preaching to the church choir?

    We SHOULD be angry about obesity and poor health. We really should. I am. Obesity angers me..but I just think some more empathy and compassion may be in order.

    I'm reminded of the nutritionist I have been working with. I have witnessed the aforementioned hostility and it hurt..BUT I have also witnessed in him the empathy and compassion of having lost 140 lbs PAIRED with the appropriate ANGER in regards to junk food. As he supported me, compassionately, through a tough time, it went something like this: "Julie, ____ is crap!! fat, sugar.there is NO nutritional value in that (now he's yelling.and cursing! LOL) Julie, you're freaking AWESOME! You're worth more than that! Oh what? the craving "monster"? f the monster..tough. go brush your teeth and drink water. YOU CAN DO THIS..I did it! I KNOW it's hard..you can do it and I believe in you" That emulates several real conversations I have had with him. He never coddled me, but he didn't mess around either and he was understanding and compassionate. I recall feeling very disheartened reading something about fat people on facebook..and all the people chiming in. I blogged about that a while back.


    Anyway....wake up calls are important and have their place, but it would be nice if there wasn't hostility. I don't believe some of it is intended to be hostile as much as some can come across that way.

    Great food for thought!

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  2. I know that most of that hostility comes out of fear, and believing that you are somehow separate from the overweight person in the WalMart cart with the Hohos makes people feel better. But, there's no excuse for that kind behavior. Especially from someone who is or was formerly overweight. Our lack of compassion for them is our lack of compassion for ourselves. I haven't read these specific comments, but I think it's really frustrating for someone in the middle of their journey to look back in scorn on someone at the beginning of their journey. We all have stories. Even laziness usually has a basis of negative belief that nothing the person does will make a difference. A person at the beginning of their journey needs uplifting, not trash talk.

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  3. I have read more hostility in the last few weeks than i ever have before!! Honestly i really don't understand it.

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  4. one more thing. I gave you a blog award! I love how positive and funny you are! Thank you so much for your support and great suggestions! xoxo lala

    http://donuttherapy.blogspot.com/2010/08/versatile-blogger-award.html

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  5. Some people are just giant eh-wholes. Tell em to suck it. :)

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  6. I so want to put a stream of cusswords in this comment section to be funny...but then I realize that that may not help.

    I know what you're talking about and when I read it, I'm a little shocked by it. I don't get it.

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  7. You're right Lanie, and I don't really understand why people feel the need to make judgement calls on others; my goal is to motivate and inspire people who are at any stage in their life to get to where they want to be, not tear them down for not being there at the moment.

    I always say, everyone starts somewhere.

    I'm not going to lie, some cases really make me angry, like the Worlds Fattest Mother, who I wrote about on my blog. It bothers me not because shes obese, but because shes incredibly selfish, and depriving her children of their mother so early in life. But that is an extreme circumstance, and I would never think to paint anyone else with the same brush.

    I always say, everyone starts somewhere. It doesn't matter where it is, if they're putting in the effort, they are worthy of nothing less than praise! I also don't believe the yelling mentality is the best way to motivate or train either. If someone was yelling at me, my reaction would be to cuss them out and do the exact opposite of whatever they wanted me to.

    I want to tell people they can do it!

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