THIS.IS.IT!!

One of the hardest mental hurdles I've been dealing with is figuring out why I (and others) seem to sabotage ourselves just as we're coming up to or meeting a mini-goal. Is it really fear of success? Can't be all of it.

But then, good ol' Jack Sh*t sent me over to this blog to give support. At first I was distracted because he could actually be a IRL acquaintance of mine . . . Eric? is that you? Anyway - while there, I found this:

Polarizing Words

"The more polaraized you become in your thinking, the more extreme your reaction may be."  ~Susan Albers

Always
Never
Perfect
Failure
Ever
Disaster
Impossible
All
Nothing
Ruined

All-or-nothing thinking has long been a pet peeve of mine, although I've been guilty of it myself. It was my then-boyfriend that pointed out to me that when I say that somebody "always" does something, that's a lie because I don't know what other people ALWAYS do, because I'm not ALWAYS with them. I can't say "I'd never do that" because in a different situation, it might just be the best option there is. 

A friend of mine has about 8 lbs to lose. She doesn't let herself get heavy, she's trying to be more fit, and attempting to be the best version of herself she can be. I applaud that and wish I would've thought of it when I was 8 lbs overweight.  The other day, however, she had a bad weigh-in. She was up a pound or so instead of down, despite her hard work. How frustrating!  In walked the skunk. Black or white, no shades of gray at all. Since she had failed to lose weight so far, she was never going to get the results she wanted. The only thing to do was reach for the leftover nachos. She didn't want to hear about hormonal weight, or muscle mass weighing more than fat mass, or anything else. She wanted to eat. The day was ruined and she was going to have an eating day. No suggestions of stopping at an eating morning. She was mad and done for the day. 

I realize through her that this is one of the things I need to avoid. If I have a fatty snack, that doesn't mean I have to eat crap all day. I can turn it around RIGHT NOW and do better going forward. How can I give this advice to somebody else and not even heed it myself? And it's not just eating and moving - it's day-to-day living. I'm going to try living "in the middle" more, not expect perfection. In so doing, I will eliminate some of the frustration that pushes my emotional buttons.  I don't ALWAYS sabotage myself, I didn't FAIL by getting fat, I haven't RUINED my body. I gotta change the mindset of having screwed up and focus more on the progress and the good things and affirming my worth and dignity, my effort and persistence.

Using polarizing words not only makes me sound like a big fat whiny loser, it keeps me in that mentality. Gotta change that thinking so I can change my world!

It's not a setback, it's a learning experience.

And what I've learned this week is that letting down my guard even a little, will gain me nothing except pounds. 5 of them to be exact, but that was before I stayed up late and exercised last night. So, I'm back to being diligent about food and exercise.

Thanks everyone for your support over these few days. It really struck me when I went back up over that "morbidly obese" BMI yesterday. That was really discouraging! But, I took all your advice, meditated, got some good positive self-talk going, ignored the negative voices telling me that I was a complete fraud and had no business blogging and encouraging others when I couldn't even get my own act together and keep it together.

And then I realized - why should I hold myself to higher standards than I hold others? What would I tell somebody else if it were them experiencing a setback? I would tell them - learn from this experience, to consider it simply a speed bump in the journey, drink water, exercise, breathe . . . even when you find yourself losing a battle, know that you will win the war.

Kick me!

I can feel myself slipping into the place where I'm giving up on things. That's extremely stupid because things were working, why give up? I can't give up on myself like that again. I can't just go through the motions of my day, not affecting positive change,  just because it's easier than dealing with the overwhelming feelings that are sneaking up on me. I can't let it get me down when other bloggers criticize me. I can't start thinking that they're right and that I am just another wannabe. Who cares what they think anyway.

I'm going to do this. I can't let myself be a lazy quitter. I need to do this.